Confessions of a Mommy

Hello blog,
       Maybe noone will find what I have to say interesting enough to read, and that's cool.  But for the sake of my sanity and my children..I want to put into words my day to day.  Reading my last few post made me realize this is more important than simply blogging, but rather documenting what is the very nature of myself. 

      My life as a stay at home mom right now can be overwhelming and mostly fulfilling. I'm young, so excuse me if anything I say comes off as bitter because it is anything BUT.  I love my kids with everything that I am (usually completely compulsive with a hint of ADHD).  I jump from one project to the next without so much as a flinch.  I like to keep things fresh and to do so I must incorporate many a task.  Recently I have found a market for my adorable headbands which has turned my daughter into a dolled up southern belle.  I have also been getting back into my jewelry making which inspired this blog in the first place.  Once I went back to school when my son was 10 months old I had to but jewelry on the back burner, but getting back into it has been fun and rewarding for this 7-9 job called Mommy! Kids can take a mental toll on you and without my work  i'm afraid my life would fall into a category I'm afraid to recognize because I would lose a part of myself that I feel is the very essence of myself, creativity!

      With the birth of my daughter Ava Lee Tulip born October 29, 2012 everything began to make a little more sense.  For those of you who know and those who don't, pregnancy is rough.  Not only did the morning sickness and body contortions change my mood and thoughts, but the tiredness and looming unforcesable future can take a toll on your mentality that made me feel far from normal...or maybe thats just a notion I have being a twenty something mommy with little life experience to hold on too. 2 kids is no joke. I must have someone looking out for me because this has been an exciting and beautiful transition into motherhood.  I could not be more grateful for my children and soon to be husband for coming into my life and taking this sweet ride called life with me. 

      At just 4 months old my sweet girl has taught me the limitations of myself, there are none. I am Supermom. Ok that's a lie, but I feel confident in my choices and realize my journey has only just begun.  I am lucky enough to enter this "real world" with my family as a team, and what could be more reassuring than that?! 

 

Life Unexpected

Life is anything but normal.  The moment things actually start to feel a little "normal" something changes in such a profound way that I am suddenly not the person I thought I was.  Or better yet, I seem to hold more wisdom than I knew I might be capable of. 

The BIG news few friends, I"M PREGNANT! AGAIN! I know I know, shocking right?!? well I'm sure it will not be as much of a shock to everyone else as it was too me, afterall we were only going to pick up and uproot our life to Colorado and everyone took it with such ease.  I imagine announcing our second child will be much the same.  Good thing, the insecurity and uneasiness I had all 9 months of my first pregnancy nearly drove me nuts.  BUT, SHES A BIG GIRL NOW ;)

One BIG happy family :).  I can't express how humbling it is to know that I am giving IV the one thing that helped shape my entire being, a sibling.  He is going to be the best big brother and I can't wait to see what this next step has in store for all of us.  I never imagined myself with 2 children so young but maybe life isn't supposed to be planned.  Obviously, birth control is no more obligated to follow the rules. 

I think it's a girl.
But this could be because I had a spirit medium tell me this among plenty of other things, but ill save that for another story.  Can we just sulk in the fact of how absolutely terrifying raising a girl in "todays" society could be.  And I quote "today" because of course it's all relative to your perception or at least thats how my family has chosen to view things.  Anyway I'm just thinking that maybe if I can be a stay at home mom/jeweler/crafter/super woman/ gardener?! I'm going to change the inevitable and raise healthy children.  I want some milk.
So, finding out.  The dang LSU health center done did it again.  I had a horrible sinus infection this whole past week which is very unlike me.  I've never had issues with my sinus's so why would that change out of nowhere?! You'd think 2nd go round you might know when a baby is sucking the life out of you right?! maybe this is my wake up call. 
We have decided if it is in fact a girl we will name her Ava Lee Tulip Bacala; cute! Ava is my pick, Lee is my grandmothers name, Tulip is who I believe to be one of my gaurdian Angels. 
Now that I'm pregnant I can remember how exhausting this is.  It takes all of your energy and feeds it to this growing human inside you.  I don't mind it though I'm just resting up for what is sure to be a bumpy ride :)

Living in Love
Amanda

A rambling before bed

The last 10 months of my life have shaped my mind and soul into the woman I never thought I could be.  Pregnancy was the scariest few short months of my life.  I was completely lost and confused, yet played it off like I knew EXACTLY what I was doing. HA I'm sure the only person I did not fool was in fact, my own mother.  Although these feelings did haunt me, when the time came the joke was actually on me.  Motherhood came as naturally as all the books, quotes, and fairy tales say it does.  I was a natural, and wanted nothing more than to rock my little baby night and day.  Which, for the first 6 months is all I ever did.  I treasure those moments in my mind.  I must have worn his rocking time out, the day he could sit up around 6m momma's time was over and out and IV was on the move!!

Being a mother is an excitement and enticement and a growth. It is the possibility that haunts and delights the young girl as she grows to womanhood. It is a part of the fantasy, both her longing for it and her fear of it. The months of pregnancy highlight all the richness of the remembered and internalized experience about mothering. The birth itself brings forth the baby, until now a fantasy, into reality. This real baby is a constant changing, crying, knowing being, and for me the delight of this experience has been one of the most important parts of my life as a women

The first few days as a mother were truly the most amazing experiences I think I will ever know.  A relationship so dependent on one another it is amazing the love and connection mother and baby share.  I knew from the moment I laid eyes on IV that I would do anything to keep him safe, healthy, happy, and for him to know every minute of every day that he is loved.  I want to remember moments like this for the rest of my life.  It scares me that 10 months has flown by and because of lack of sleep, night feedings, constant entertaining and diaper changes, I feel like some moments are already starting to blur.  Not the important ones, like him rolling over for the first time on our bed, or eating his first bite of cereal (took some time to grasp the idea of a spoon, so cute).   I just wish I could rewind time and do it all over again. 

School starts on Monday and it scares me to death to think of not seeing IV all day every day.  I am excited, nervous, anxious, scared, and a million other emotions all rolled in to one.  I know this is the best thing for both IV and me but it is so scary to think about juggling everything.  I have no doubt in my mind I will pull it off with ease, I'm ready to prove to myself and IV I am a full of hope and persistence to make the best of our future.  I want to be an amazing mother, and I feel like I am one now so I can't just let that slip away from me. 

No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you're the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside. 

I will always love you IV, you alone have made me the woman I am and the woman I want to be.  I promise to remind you everyday just how much you are loved.

Love forever and ever, 

Momma

Live in Love

     The past 2 weeks have been filled with love, smiles, giggles, summer fun, and my personal favorite IVs first word, MAMA!! which happened yesterday while visiting my parents for our fathers day get together.  It truly made my heart smile, and not just because he said it before Dada, although I am proud of this fact :).....a couple pictures from me and IV's 8 month photoshoot in the front yard



     Last weekend, Anthony and I spent Thursday-Sunday sleeping in a tent for a music festival in Tennessee, Bonnaroo! I actually handled it a million times better than I expected.  I did not shower for 4 days, walked endless miles in the blazing heat, slept in a tent, and many other countless memories I am way to sleepy to mention.  We did have an amazing time though.  Missing IV was so hard but I felt good knowing he was having a lot of fun with Naenae in Orange Beach.  I did feel a much stronger connection and bond with Anthony after having this experience, after all we only new each other a few months before getting pregnant! I guess we beat the odds though because we are pretty awesome parents if I must say so myself!

     On a pretty note, I have lots of jewels to upload and will start to do this now..
I hope I keep my promise to myself on keeping up with you blog!! I will try my very best!

Lots of Love,
Amanda

Pretty brides

Custom ordered bridal jewelry, minus the bracelet because it is nit finished just yet. Better pictures to follow also. O what fun it is to add a little sparkle to the world!

Pretty things before bed

Custom ordered charm bracelet.made with love

First things First

     This is my very first blog post!  I am excited to have this up and running and looking forward to capturing and embracing everyday of my son, my life, my dreams, and my jewelry and crafts.
     I try to create something everyday, if I don't I feel as if I'm starving my body of a certain premium fuel it needs to run properly.  Jewelry is always something I feel proud of.  Although, in the past 3 days I spent IV's nap time putting together his scrapbook of which I got 12 pages completed!! This is an accomplishment I must pat myself on the back for.  My fiance and I have nearly 1000 photos of the life and times of IV, capturing moments we will never get back.  I applaud Anthony (my fiance) for keeping up with the photos as well as he does.  I often get so caught up in bottles, laundry, diapers, keeping him simply entertained...and the list goes on and on and on. 
     I have been blessed to have had the first 10 months of IV's life spent home taking care and loving every second of him.  He was born on October 7, 2010 and from that moment on he has been my inspiration.  In August I will be back at LSU full-time studying Studio Art with a concentration in Ceramics.  I've never actually touched a pottery wheel, much less know the process.  the closest I have gotten to ceramics is play dough, as a kid.  Needless to say, I can not wait to start!! I have no doubt I will love every second of it because I have not found a medium in my 3 years of studying art that I did not like.  Although I do prefer to create 3-D art as opposed to drawing/painting.
     I will upload plenty of pictures of my jewelry as I make it and of course, IV!! I think I am going to like blogging!

Until next time, with love
Amanda